(originally appeared on danieljhogan.com)
There are times when my mother can be as subtle as a Molotov cocktail.
On New Year’s Day, I received a phone call from my friend, Erik. He had spent the holiday in New Orleans and was calling to tell me he was now engaged to his girlfriend, Emily.¹
“I wanted to tell you personally before it went out on Facebook,” he said.
Erik had kicked off 2012 a bit better than myself, as all I had accomplished so far was getting killed by monsters in Resident Evil 4.
Later in the day, I called Mom and told her the news about Erik. There was a pause on her side, “Did you tell Stephanie?” [non-fiancée – Ed.]
“Yes, I sent her a text.”
Mom continued, with a noticeable growl in her voice. “Was she annoyed?”
I paused Resident Evil 4. “Huh?
“Well, before your father proposed to me, I got upset when our friends got engaged.”
I un-paused Resident Evil 4, aimed and blew the head off a not-zombie. “…Right.”
“Costco sells rings you know.”
“You don’t say.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with a pawn shop ring, either.”
On my TV, I watched Leon, the hero of Resident Evil 4, get crushed by a huge monster called El Gigante, and I could not help but envy him.
UPDATE: Only a few months later, Stephanie and I became engaged. So there.
¹ Just before Christmas, Erik texted me to ask for my address, and I jokingly inquired if they were sending out Save the Date’s. In fact, he sent me the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movie Collection. More on this later.