It really is a shame we can only use Thanksgiving decorations once a year. I mean, I can’t honestly have a pink flamingo-dressed-as-a-turkey-dressed-as-a-pilgrim strapped to the roof of my car¹ on Valentine’s Day, can I?

pink flamingo pilgrim turkey thanksgiving decoration on amazon.

Is it a pink flamingo dressed as a turkey dressed as a pilgrim, or the other way around? Image via Amazon.

What would the neighbors think? Things are already touchy after my late night/early morning Mario Kart 64 scream therapy sessions.

thanksgiving dinner gumballs on amazon.

Beats the turkey stuffed Twinkies I made last year. Image via Amazon.

In addition to trying new Thanksgiving decorations, I’m tweaking dinner this year too. I decided to try a pill based meal after watching an episode of The Jetsons (…or maybe it was after watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). While I couldn’t find turkey dinner pills, I found the next best thing: whiskey gumballs. That’s right, you can get an entire set of Thanksgiving dinner flavored gumballs, including turkey, cranberries, and yes, even pumpkin pie.

I wonder if there is a Disappointing Your Parents flavor, because that is always a part of our Thanksgiving dinner.

inflatable turkey dinner thanksgiving decoration on amazon.

Good luck getting that drumstick. Image via Amazon.

But, to help sell the idea of the gumball Thanksgiving dinner, I decided the meal had to at least look the part. Enter the inflatable cooked turkey. Picture it, in all of its glory, decorating the center of my dining room table card table TV tray, surrounded by ashtrays filled with gumballs. Worthy of a Rockwell painting, that.

pilgrim turkey salt and pepper shaker thanksgiving decoration on amazon.

No NECKING. Goodnight. Image via Amazon.

No Thanksgiving centerpiece is complete without a bit of flair. This pilgrim-kissing-a-turkey-before-he-beheads-it salt and pepper shaker set is just what I needed. The kiss of death is a  serious matter in my family, so I know most will love the pilgrim. The fatalists in my family shall enjoy the look of calm and acceptance on the doomed turkey’s face, mere moments before it becomes a meal.

turkey toilet seat thanksgiving decoration on amazon.

Skip the one for Groundhog Day. Image via Amazon.

Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse to finally decorate one’s toilet. I am certain the porcelain god looks forward to such a day, like the one day a year I get to dress up as Abe Lincoln.² Everyone loves to dress up, including your toilet. Get your toilet in the Thanksgiving day spirit with this darling ‘toilet tattoo.’

And unlike my Where’s Waldo? tattoo,³ this one isn’t permanent.

Today’s Amazon Deals and ThinkGeek Deals
Affiliate Plug: Thanksgiving decorations on Amazon

¹ I don’t have a yard, so I have to improvise.
² National Snowman Burning Day.
³ On an undisclosed location.

Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.

subscribe to the clattertron email newsletter

Want Clattertron Prints and Merch? Buy my prints, mugs, phone cases, pillows, and tote bags on Society6.

Daniel J. Hogan is a geek living in Michigan.
Follow him on Twitter, @danieljhogan. Follow Clattertron on Facebook too.