Amazon Enigmas: Crazy Thanksgiving Decorations
It really is a shame we can only use Thanksgiving decorations once a year. I mean, I can’t honestly have a pink flamingo-dressed-as-a-turkey-dressed-as-a-pilgrim strapped to the roof of my car¹ on Valentine’s Day, can I?
What would the neighbors think? Things are already touchy after my late night/early morning Mario Kart 64 scream therapy sessions.
In addition to trying new Thanksgiving decorations, I’m tweaking dinner this year too. I decided to try a pill based meal after watching an episode of The Jetsons (…or maybe it was after watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). While I couldn’t find turkey dinner pills, I found the next best thing:
whiskey gumballs. That’s right, you can get an entire set of Thanksgiving dinner flavored gumballs, including turkey, cranberries, and yes, even pumpkin pie.
I wonder if there is a Disappointing Your Parents flavor, because that is always a part of our Thanksgiving dinner.
But, to help sell the idea of the gumball Thanksgiving dinner, I decided the meal had to at least look the part. Enter the inflatable cooked turkey. Picture it, in all of its glory, decorating the center of my
dining room table card table TV tray, surrounded by ashtrays filled with gumballs. Worthy of a Rockwell painting, that.
No Thanksgiving centerpiece is complete without a bit of flair. This pilgrim-kissing-a-turkey-before-he-beheads-it salt and pepper shaker set is just what I needed. The kiss of death is a serious matter in my family, so I know most will love the pilgrim. The fatalists in my family shall enjoy the look of calm and acceptance on the doomed turkey’s face, mere moments before it becomes a meal.
Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse to finally decorate one’s toilet. I am certain the porcelain god looks forward to such a day, like the one day a year I get to dress up as Abe Lincoln.² Everyone loves to dress up, including your toilet. Get your toilet in the Thanksgiving day spirit with this darling ‘toilet tattoo.’
And unlike my Where’s Waldo? tattoo,³ this one isn’t permanent.
Affiliate Plug: Thanksgiving decorations on Amazon
¹ I don’t have a yard, so I have to improvise.
² National Snowman Burning Day.
³ On an undisclosed location.
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Daniel J. Hogan is a geeky cartoonist and writer living in Michigan. Daniel is available for freelance writing and cartooning commissions (Contact Daniel). This post contains affiliate links, unless it doesn't.