Hats. They go on our heads and…well…stay there, because that is what they do (except my ALF baseball cap one windy afternoon on Lake St. Clair, circa 1987). But, what if you want to ‘get all festive up in here’? Two words: drink heavily Christmas hats.

light up christmas hat shaped like a tree on amazon

“If she sinks in eggnog, she’s a Christmas Witch!” Image via Amazon.

That’s right. Hats ain’t just for Lincoln’s Birthday anymore. Now you can take Christmas with you wherever you go.

Take this light up Christmas hat shaped like a tree (take it, please). It is a must for any Christmas tree fan on the go, which is pretty much everyone today. Or, it could be handy if you want to cosplay as the Christmas Witch. Hey, I don’t judge, except at Who is A Cute Kitty? Contests. In which case, Nigel always wins, because such contests are only held in our apartment, and I’m the only judge (what I do while Stephanie is at work is my business).

santa in a chimney christmas tree hat on amazon.com

Um. Bottoms up? Image via Amazon.

Speaking of cosplay, remember that scene in Gremlins where Kate talks about her dad getting stuck in the chimney on Christmas? Well, now you can cosplay that touching scene at GremCon ’13 with this darling Santa-stuck-in-a-chimney Christmas hat. Good luck winning First Place in the Gremlins cosplay contest though, that guy dressed as Corey-Feldman-dressed-as-a-Christmas-tree wins every year.

smooshed santa face christmas hat on amazon.com

I didn’t know Santa Claus was a five-star general. Image via Amazon.

If you want a more positive take on Santa Claus, in Christmas hat form, here is this light-up Santa face hat. Sure, it kinda looks like a rejected Cabbage Patch kid was given the ol’ Buffalo Bill treatment and turned into a hat, but hey, it lights up (which I can’t really say for Buffalo Bill’s ‘woman suit.’). And, those CHEEKS. You gotta love his classic ‘triangle’ figure. Santa Claus really works it.

dreadlocks christmas hat on amazon.com

My brain hurts. Image via Amazon.

If you decide to go in a different direction for you Christmas hat, well, look no further. Yes, you can confuse and bewilder young and old alike with this Santa Claus with dreadlocks hat. Never mind you will look like one of The Twins in The Matrix Reloaded. And who cares? Computer programs need love too. Except you, Internet Explorer–go sit on the Group W bench.

mni christmas hat on amazon.com

D: Image via Amazon.

Mini is really in now, what with the iPad Minis, Mini Coopers, and Minnie Mice (…I’ll go sit in the corner). Why not extend your love for all things mini and slap on this mini Santa Claus hat? Heck, you can even share it with your mini friends (Chihuahuas, hamsters, or even leprechauns for some mind-bending meta-holiday misadventures. A thought: perhaps leprechauns are just Santa’s elves out of season?)

turkey christmas hat on amazon.com

The little hats are a nice, creepy touch. Image via Amazon.

Finally, here is yet another hat with lights, because I love illuminating headgear (they save time). Better still, this one bears the visage of a cooked turkey. Outstanding. Yes, wearing a light-up turkey on one’s head is the latest rage. Or it will be, once you buy one for our friends and family. Plus, it has tiny Santa Claus hats on the legs, which lets everyone know, “This is a Christmas hat. I have Christmas cheer to SPREAD.”

Today’s Amazon Deals and ThinkGeek Deals
Affiliate Plug: Christmas hats on Amazon

Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.

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Daniel J. Hogan is a geeky cartoonist and writer living in Michigan. Daniel is available for freelance writing and cartooning commissions (Contact Daniel). This post contains affiliate links, unless it doesn't.