Amazon Enigmas: Christmas Costumes for People and Pets
[dc]I[/dc]’m always on the look out for a good Christmas costume. Because, why should the costumes I wear to court appearances have all the fun?
There is a legend of The Tree Who Walks. Image via Amazon.
Good thing I found this Christmas costume shaped like a Christmas tree. Now, I can strike fear into the hearts of children on Christmas morning. Which children, I can’t say. I don’t have any of my own, and our cat Nigel is too smart for such subterfuge (plus he doesn’t get up that early).
Just imagine: A serene Christmas morning. Snow falling outside, piling up on the engine block in the front yard. A family huddles together ’round the Christmas tree, listening to Uncle Dad spin a yarn about the time he got kicked out of the Wal-Mart as he sips from a stein of light beer and Clamato.
Then: Clad in my tree-sized Christmas costume, I spring to life. The kids flees in terror, leaving their unopened gifts behind. I buy the unopened toys and gadgets from Uncle Dad for 50 cents on the dollar, and sell them on eBay at a 200% mark-up.
Uh. I mean. I wouldn’t do that. Not more than once.
Moving on.
Does it come in black? Image via Amazon.
Let’s say I want to dress a bit more casual for Christmas. Cas as the kids say. Lazy as Mom says. Is that my shirt? as Dad says.
Sure, ugly Christmas sweaters are fun and all, but there are times I can’t bother to wear an actual sweater. Can’t cover up the gun show, y’know. Good thing there is this ugly Christmas sweater t-shirt. We are living in the future. Embrace it.
“These ears let me hear your thoughts.” Image via Amazon.
Thankfully, I can share my love for yuletide cosplay with the loyal family dog. If I had one, that is. Our cat won’t put up with that nonsense. If I had a dog, I would festoon it in the garb of Santa’s best friend: uppers Elves. This Santa’s little helper Christmas costume would do the trick. And yes, those ears are part of the costume, because I haven’t been able to cross-breed a dog with an elf. Yet. We have a very progressive community college nearby, so I have my fingers crossed.
Wait, did a snowman eat a puppy? Image via Amazon.
If I wish to go a different route when it comes to choosing an avatar for a pooch, fear not.
Behold, this doggy snowman Christmas costume. Now, don’t look too long at this costume or think too long about it. If you do, you might realize, based on the ‘buttons’ along the dog’s back, that the snowman’s head is completely twisted around, all back’ards. Those buttons would typically run down a snowman’s chest, not its back.
Like I said. Don’t think about it too much.
I’m not making this up. Image via Amazon.
Let’s say I can’t find a dog to dress up, but I still really want a dog around for my Christmas party. Good thing I could get this giant-pug-dressed-as-an-elf-wall-decal. Finally, all the fun of a giant dog in a Christmas costume, with none of the work.
Better still, I can keep this doggy on my wall year round. Who doesn’t want a giant pug dressed as a Christmas elf watching your every move? I know having one watching Airwolf over my shoulder would fill a special place in my heart.
Affiliate Plug: Christmas costumes on Amazon
Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.
