Clattertron

[dc]I[/dc]t happened again: Valentine’s Day is here and you forgot a gift for your imaginary significant other. The horror! The insult! The sleeping on the couch!

Fear not, intrepid romantic. Amazon has plenty of fine…things…which can save the day. Or make it much, much worse.

If film and television have taught me anything, it is this: never get involved in land war in Asia the only way to make something better, is to do something CRAZY. See: Jingle All the Way (actually, don’t. You’ll thank me). That’s where this giant heart costume comes in. The redundant chest text aside, this costume will help mend those emotional fences. Just exercise caution when walking through doors or going out in public.

Valentine’s Day is the day for big-ticket items. Forget birthdays, Christmas, or Airwolf Day. Valentine’s Day is when you go nuclear with the romantic gifts. However, in this economy, one must get creative with their gifts. Say your true love really wants a yacht. Well, yachts are expensive, costing at least $200. But fear not, this yacht wall sticker is far cheaper and think of the money you will save on fuel and cabin boys.

Everyone loves camouflage, and what better day to practice hiding in the forest than Valentine’s Day? Celebrate love and hiding with this deer heart camo sticker. And deer too, I guess. And hearts. Good thing that doe is pink so we know it is female.

Let’s get to the serious items. The this-is-the-last-time-I-will-forget-until-the-next-time items. Nothing says, “Sorry I forgot another commercial holiday” than a replica of the Heart of the Ocean necklace from Titanic. If anything, this will give you at least one get out jail free card for a future Valentine’s Day misstep. Maybe. Leonardo DiCaprio and saucy sketchbook not included.

Now, you can’t give a Valentine’s Day gift like the Heart of the Ocean necklace without an accessory. Yes, an accessory for an accessory. It’s a thing. This animal print sequin fanny pack is the purrfect bag to go with the huge eyesore necklace clinging to your loved one’s neck. Plus, there is room for all kinds of items: a flask, bingo daubers, and bail money.

Why are you still here? Get to Amazon and buy a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift now! Otherwise, it is left over pizza and He-Man reruns for you (…actually, that doesn’t sound so bad).

Affiliate Shout-out: Today’s Gold Box and Lightning Deals on Amazon

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Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.