Clattertron

[dc]T[/dc]here is an issue we must address.

Kids, put away your My Little Bieber dolls. Adults, stop Instagramming your Applebee’s appetizers. It is time to get a serious, and rap with me.

The ‘after school special’ kind of rap with me, not the slice like a ninja kind of rap with me: I gotta rap with you about training pets for running races. Word to your groomer.

Sure, Garfield shines a humorous light on idle pets, and hating Mondays, but sleeping all day and gorging on lasagna is no way to train for a marathon. Taking your dog, cat, or platypus on a training run is the best way to prep a pet, but who has the time?

With busy schedules filled with buying locally sourced artisan goat-milk puddings, monitoring Dance Moms Internet forums, or screaming about local college basketball squads, finding the time to help Man’s Best Friend train for a race is difficult. Especially during Winter months, because, y’know, snow.

Luckily, technology is here to help. (Assuming it doesn’t rise up and crush us. Or fall down and crush us.)

Is your dog’s first 5K, 10K, or marathon coming up? Too busy filling out your March Madness bracket to go for a run? Use a dog treadmill and train anytime. Sure, you could probably use your human treadmill, but that means taking all the dirty clothes and/or towels of the handles. Nuts to that.

Why do extra work when you can just buy the PetRun Dog Treadmill? Don’t let the little doggie in the photo fool you, the PetRun PR700 can (according to its Amazon page) handle a dog up to 44 pounds. Which is like 22 Chihuahuas, give or take. Maybe 23 and a half (DON’T ASK).

Another option is the PetZen Dog Treadmill, if only for the different color palette and guard sides (which is reason enough to buy anything). With speed settings from “0 to 5 MPH,” it is simple to set up a work out for Fido. I don’t know how many races a dog will win training at 0 MPH, but it is the thought that counts—maybe it is like the running version of a staring contest.

If this photo is any hint, big dogs can train for races too, thanks to the Total Pet Health dog treadmill. Yes, Duchess will be in race shape in no time at all (human handler, end table, and fake plant not included).

And if you think training a dog for a race is silly, well Exhibit A.

[Best part starts at 0:40. Video via YouTube user mfillhardt]

For those wanting more of a ‘classic’ look for their dog treadmill, consider the GoPet TreadWheel. No, a dog wasn’t hit with a shrink ray and put in a hamster wheel—even though that would kinda rule (while a hamster the size of a dog would be terrifying. PROOF!). This dog treadmill isn’t a treadmill at all—it ditches the spinning belt for a big o’ wheel, which will be even more fun to explain to guests.

My fellow cat owners, fear not. Your purring prince or princess was not forgotten.

With the Toy-Go-Round Cat Exercise Wheel, your lovable kitty can ignore yet another expensive toy. As the photo likely suggests, getting a cat on this pet treadmill, or wheel, might prove a challenge. You must stick to your training guns though, if you hope to get your cat ready in time for the next cat drag race.

[Race starts around 1:20. Video via YouTube user jfrracing]

Affiliate Shout-out: Today’s Gold Box and Lightning Deals on Amazon
(Buy something, Daniel gets a % with no extra cost to you)

–
Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.