Clattertron

[dc]T[/dc]he Fire Temple in Ocarina of Time is challenging. And annoying. Mostly annoying though. More on this in a bit. First, there is the matter of time travel, which should come as no surprise, since Time is part of the title–it ain’t Ocarina of Cheese, now is it?

(If I could use a magical ocarina to summon cheese, I would never leave the house. Because I would be dead within two days from cheese overload).

Ocarina of Time Shuffle

After besting the Forest Temple, I unlocked the ability to travel to the past—back when Link was seven years younger. Now, I’m not one to pick apart details of time travel in a piece of entertainment, in fact it is one of my pet peeves when folks do. I can’t read the reviews of Looper without my Shut Up Level dipping into the red.

Still, I find the back and forth time travel in Ocarina of Time interesting.

I don’t think it is so much Link physically traveling through time, so much as it is mentally or psychically or whateverly. Remember: Link spent seven years locked away in the Chamber of Sages, so he could physically age (however, one would guess he is still mentally a ten-year old in a 17-year old body, since he was asleep the entire duration). Yet, when I travel to the past, Link is back to his child size.

So, has Link’s consciousness been sent back to the past? Consciousness time travel is a thing, it was in Lost (I think?) and Peggy Sue Go Married (sooner or later, I knew a Nicolas Cage movie would get involved). Yes, lesser known Francis Ford Coppola films from the 1980s hold all of the secrets to the universe.

Consciousness time travel wouldn’t work for someone like Marty McFly, unless he shifted his teenager consciousness back to the age of eight, when he ‘accidentally’ set the living room rug on fire (where he tried to prevent the episode, or caused it D: ).

I’m guessing all of this consciousness time travel will cause plenty of mental trauma for Link. It might be difficult for him to have a grownup relationship with any of the female characters he met as a child—each mentally and emotionally matured by seven years, while Link did not.

Unless of course, the Chamber of Sages did a Venture Bros.–like sleep-schooling of Link to keep him on pace with the rest of the world. It does not seem likely, however, and you are left with a ten-year old consciousness jumping back and forth between bodies. Scary.

What does any of this have to do Link and Ocarina of Time? Hell if I know. It’s just a video game.

Oh Right the Fire Temple

The other night, I tried to get the megaton hammer, but I did not have much luck. I found the room with said hammer, but grabbing it proved a challenge, again and again. And again.

To get the megaton hammer, you must step on a switch, which drops the fire wall around the treasure chest, and scurry across a skinny walkway—before the wall goes back up.

A skinny walkway, mind you, above a freakin’ big hole. And on the other side of the big hole? Rolling boulders—and let’s not forget the fire-covered-bats (Fire Keese) flying around, just itching to knock you off. Skinny walkways in Ocarina of Time are annoying enough on their own (my meat hooks don’t handle delicate controller use so well).

I spent a good half-hour on this part alone before calling it quits. I used the Farore’s Wind trick to warp back to the treasure room, but I eventually ran out of magic points. Dang it.

I’ll try again in a few days. Stupid Fire Temple.

Affiliate Shout-out: Today’s Gold Box and Lightning Deals on Amazon