Clattertron

[dc]A[/dc]s the daily voicemails from Mom keep reminding me, Mother’s Day, like Winter, is coming (Cheat: Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 12th). Are you ready? If not, well, you might have to suffer the passive aggressive wrath of Guilt Trip Ghost, or your own mother.

Fear not. Amazon Enigmas is here with a very special Last Minute Mother’s Day Gifts Edition. Because when it comes to Mothers, you spare no expense. Time spent looking for a gift, however, is a different matter. I have 15 episodes of the new Thundercats cartoon on my DVR, and there are only so many hours in the day. What happens to Snarf? I gots to know.

Give Mom A Hot Mug of Ryan Gosling for Mother’s Day

Hey girl (or boy, I guess), it’s Mother’s Day, and Ryan Gosling is here to help. Mom can get lost in the eyes of the Gos with a Ryan Gosling themed coffee mug. Mom will have a difficult time deciding which is hotter: the coffee or Ryan Gosling. Hint: only one of them was in the Mickey Mouse Club, but both can make you melt. Does Mom need a place to write down all her Mom Thoughts? There’s also this Ryan Gosling “Hey Girl” diary.

Let Mom Spend Some Quality Time with George Clooney

If mom likes fellas who remember the Carter administration, there is this handsome George Clooney cut-out. Now, everyday can be Mother’s Day with this Clooney simulacrum on hand. What mother wouldn’t want this handsome Devil watching them with cold, dead eyes, cardboard eyes?

 Let Mom Be the Queen for Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a special day for mom, unless of course she considers Mommie Dearest a parenting guide. If your mom swings toward the loving and caring side of the parenting spectrum, treat her like a queen. But not just any queen: The Queen of England. Yes, let your dear mother don the visage of England’s beloved constitutional monarch, with this Queen Elizabeth II mask.

There is nothing at all haunting about this life-like mask. I certainly won’t have any nightmares, after Mom speaks to me through this mask’s unmoving lips.

Gulp. Duke of Edinburgh and House of Lords sold separately.

Give Mom the Gift of Cosby

Let’s suppose your mom is a huge Bill Cosby fan (how could she not be?), and you just don’t know what to get her. She got Ghost Dad last Mother’s Day, and Leonard, Part 6 the Mother’s Day before that. What about this year? How about a film where the Cos plays a mother?

Well, a character named Mother, featured in 1976’s Mother, Jugs & Speed. Bill Cosby, as “Mother” Tucker (yes) is part of a crazy independent ambulance service, and hilarity ensues (well, in the gallows humor sense). Harvey Keitel plays his partner Speed, and for some reason Raquel Welch is Jugs.

Plus, you get to see Bill Cosby drink on the job and harass nuns. Mother, Jugs & Speed has all the makings of a Mother’s Day classic.

Give Mom the Ultimate Mother’s Day Song

If you are like me, and have a Mother’s Day budget of what I found in the couch cushions, then thrifty is the magic word. You can be thrifty and give mom something classic for Mother’s Day though. For only $1.29, you can give Mom the unforgettable Danzig ballad, Mother.

I’m certain she’ll savor every second. Til you’re bleeding, whoa, and so on.

And if you are lucky, next year Mom just might say, “I don’t need a gift. I’ll just be happy to see you.” (which means I can put next year’s budget of $7.23 towards a game of laser tag)

Today’s Amazon Deals and ThinkGeek Deals
Affiliate Plug: Ryan Gosling Gifts on Amazon

Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills (privacy policy and disclaimer). But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.