[dc]I[/dc]t never fails to amuse me how talking on a cell phone in public makes a person unaware of their surroundings. Stephanie and I stopped for a quick dinner before a showing of Pacific Rim, and saw one of my favorite examples of public cell phone hilarity in recent memory.
“Sir, could you please take your phone call outside the dirigible?” Image via ThinkGeek.
The scene: A small restaurant with an open floorspace dining room. The cashier is just a couple of steps away from the tables. No walls separate the front counter and the dining area.
Stephanie and I looked over our menus, and Loud Cell Phone Guy entered, already chatting away. Loud Cell Phone Guy was, as his title suggests, Loud. ‘I don’t need a megaphone’ Loud. Loud Cell Phone Guy waited in line by the front counter, and continued his conversation, without missing a beat.
I flipped through the menu while Loud Cell Phone Guy used the cashier area as a satellite office.
LCPG: Did you get that file? No? Why not? I sent it. Look again. We need to get that report in by Friday. What? WHAT? Hang on. What? No. I’m inside. Inside. Maybe. Yeah. Who?
I slowly banged my head against the table.
LCPG: Yeah. Yeah. No. LOOK, I don’t care. Do it. Yeah. Do it. Fine. Maybe. Google it, I don’t know!
Loud Cell Phone Guy’s turn at the register came, and did he hang up? Nope.
“Yabba Dabba Do! I can’t stand listening to you!” Image via Amazon.
LCPG: Yeah, well you tell him—oh, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. This is all to go. What? No, not you. No, I’m at a restaurant. No, it’s OK. Yes, a restaurant. I’m just placing an order.
He then placed what seemed like 900 separate food orders. Loud Cell Phone Guy finished his order and the cashier told him it would be about a 15 to 20 minute wait.
Great, I thought. He’ll leave and come back. Nope.
LCPG: Fifteen to twenty minutes? Really? OK. I’ll wait. What? Yeah. It’s OK, I said I can talk, I’m just at a restaurant waiting for my food. No, don’t hang up. No don’t. No. Did you get that file? I don’t know, refresh your inbox or something, because [soulless business jargon about ROI, spiced with a few ‘literally’s and ‘at the end of the day’s, probably].
Then, the best part: Loud Cell Phone Guy spent the next seventeen minutes pacing around the dining room while still carrying on his loud conversation. It was like dinner theater. We even learned about his recent trip to the doctor.
LCPG: I tell ya, once you get to our age, your body just starts FALLING apart. Y’know? What? No. Falling apart. Yeah. Apart. No. Who? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. I have a colonoscopy coming up. How was yours? They made you drink what?
I really couldn’t be angry, because the sheer absurdity of the situation amused me. I ate and watched Loud Cell Phone Guy talk and pace. Talk and pace. Pace and talk, and weave around the empty tables like a very loud snake.
Then, he just stopped talking. Silence. Strange silence took a hold of the restaurant, like some Elder god
An Elder god like this. Except less cute. Image via ThinkGeek.
With his call over, Loud Cell Phone Guy sat in the corner, quiet, like a lost puppy, until his order arrived.
Then he asked the cashier to change about 73 things.
Have you ever seen something like this?
Product links in this post: The Flintstones Telephone Cookie Jar
, My First Cthulhu Plush
(both ThinkGeek)
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This sounds like Chen’s. Glad you had entertainment with your meal. 🙂
Dinner and a show is the way to go.