Clattertron

[dc]I[/dc] decided I needed a pair of Chinese mediation balls over the weekend (aka Baoding balls, stress balls, and so on). This led to an amusing search on Monday evening, because I can’t ask a salesperson, “Excuse me, but where do you keep your balls?”

So. I had to find Chinese mediation balls on my own.

And by on my own, I mean Stephanie drove me to a few places to look (I focused all of my mental faculties finding these mediation balls. I couldn’t drive in such a state. Also she picked me up from work).

Three places later, which felt like a million and a half, I found a pair of mediation balls. Three places may not seem like a lot to you, but for me, looking for an item at more than one store is an extravagance. The object(s) of my search may as well be on Mars at that point.

The meditation balls were at the last place I looked. Of course it was the last place I looked, because otherwise I would still be looking. What a dumb phrase, “It was in the last place I looked!” WELL DUH. Any place you find what you are looking for will be the last place you looked, by default. Unless there was wormhole nonsense involved. Or maybe clones. Or clones with wormholes.

Anyway.

The Search led us to an Asian market in the East Lansing-Okemos Neutral Zone.¹ I thought for sure I could find a pair of mediation balls there, but no luck. What we did find though, was some tasty Asian cookies to give out as wedding favors. I have no idea what they will taste like, but Stephanie fell in love with them (and they fit our wedding’s theme: Adventure).

Thirteen bags of Asian cookies in hand, but still ball-less, The Search continued.

Stephanie remembered an import store in the nearby consumerism shrine mall. It is worth a visit, trust me. Anime collectibles and weapons line the walls—Zelda fans, there’s even a Hyrulian shield and a Master Sword. Cases feature more anime collectibles, cards, imported CDs, and other geeky treaures.

And there, in one of the cases: Chinese Health Balls (as the box called them).

One snag: since the health balls sat in a glass case, I had to ask a salesperson to ‘see the balls.’ I managed a straight face for 1/34th of a second.

The store had a second set of balls (I know, right?), which were larger and made of marble. By larger I mean, the size of billiard balls, which seemed a touch excessive. I decided on the typical sized pair with the chimes inside.

In order to meet the minimum dollar amount to use my credit card, Stephanie picked up a bag of Japanese Gummy Muscat Candies. The bag features some of the best product copy ever written:

Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy.

Balls in hand–ugh. Sorry. Y’know what? I’m just gonna stop there.

– Shop and Support Clattertron –
Amazon Geek Boutique and ThinkGeek Coupons
Affiliate Plug: JibJab Sendables – Hilarious eCards for All Occasions

–
¹. Not an official name. But it should be.