Clattertron

[dc]T[/dc]here are times when enjoying an adult beverage requires stealth and secrecy: attending a dry wedding, attending a wedding with a cash bar, waiting in line to see Santa Claus, and so on. When the need for secret drinking arises, be it occasionally or hourly, flasks are handy. But the problem with a flask is, it looks like a flask. To sip a drink without drawing attention, one needs to think outside the box–or rather, the flask.

These secret flasks will do the trick (and please, do the trick responsibly. Getting kicked out of a petting zoo isn’t as hilarious as it sounds. Goats are angry drunks).

Why is Your Bra Sloshing?

For women, or adventurous-minded guys, wanting to sip some Sauvignon on the sly, there is the aptly named Wine Rack. The wearer fills bladders inside a bra and imbibes the liquid cache of wine (or any adult beverage) via a tube in the side. Sure, the photo makes it look like someone drinking their own blood (and who hasn’t at least once, really), but if such a thing concerns you, stick to white wine. Then all you have to worry about is a giant tube sticking out of your torso.

When Having a Beer Belly is a Good Thing

Over-priced stadium beer, AMIRIGHT? With the Beerbelly, no longer will you have to shell out big bucks for a tiny glass of beer at the ballpark, stadium, or oboe recital. Slip the Beerbelly under your least stained NASCAR t-shirt, fill with your favorite lawnmower beer, and sip while you walk from one end of the trailer park to the other. We live in the future people, EMBRACE IT.

Finally, a REAL Reason to Wear a Tie

Wearing a tie is the most terrible thing in the history of terrible things (give or take). What if, there were a way to make wearing a tie less terrible? Fill it with BOOZE, of course! The Flask Tie does such a thing, in perhaps the best blending of fashion and technology since those color changing t-shirts. Monday morning sales meetings just got WAY more interesting. And full of unsolicited film theories about Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer.

Why Do Your Binoculars Smell Like My Bachelor Party?

If the idea of filling a plastic bag with alcohol and strapping it to your body sounds less than thrilling, there are other options. If the town drunks designed spy gadgets, they might come up something like the Binoculars Flask. Y’see, instead of having a metal flask shaped like…a flask…you have a plastic flask shaped like a pair o’ binoculars. One simply fills the ‘lenses’ up with spirits, beer, or wine (not AND) for a relaxing day of bird watching or yelling at statues.

All My Shots Are On Liquid Film

If booze filled binoculars, ties, or undergarments are too obvious for your incognito drinking, consider this camera flask. Sure, you might have to explain why your camera is leaking sweet vermouth, but visiting the local tractor museum was never this much fun. Or blurry.

80 Proof Sunscreen

Nothing beats a refreshing and relaxing beverage on a hot sunny day. Except maybe having a dolphin wizard as best friend, BUT I digress. While it might look like an unassuming bottle of sunscreen, the Sunscreen Flask lets you smuggle booze wherever sunscreen won’t look out-of-place. Just don’t confuse it with real sunblock, unless you enjoy the taste of Octyl methoxycinnamate (it’s an acquired one).

Today’s Amazon Deals and ThinkGeek Deals
Affiliate Plug: GamersGate Weekly Specials-Buy and Download PC and Mac Games directly to your computerClattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.