Clattertron

[dc]A[/dc]re you ready for Christmas shopping? I sure as hell ain’t, but I don’t have a choice. Because, people be wanting gifts and SOCIETY DEMANDS IT. If you are in similar shopping doldrums, here is a handy list of stuff I found on Amazon for this Christmas season—and each will bring a special kind of Christmas cheer. Or requests for you to be put in a sanitarium (which, hey: I could use a vacation).

Start ‘Em Young This Christmas

Potty training is an important part of raising any child. But who has the time to keep the kid company on the can? Not me. I have hours of The Last of Us to get through. If you want to keep your kid occupied while they are occupied, consider this 2-in-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad (got all that?). Yes, your kid can be just like the rest of us: checking Facebook and answering emails on the can. (Thanks to Chris from sikkdays.com for sending this one my way)

Let’s Just Lampshade It

And just how can your kid learn to use their iPad-equppied potty? By watching you, of course. Take the guess-work out of your bathroom and let guests know how important Candy Crush is to you with this Pedestal iPad Stand with Toilet Paper Roll Holder. Anti-bacterial screen wipes sold separately, and believe you me–stock up.

 “Ball Handling”

OK, OK, let’s class it up a bit here. Or church it up if that’s your bag. Speaking of bags, or more accurately, sacks, here’s…uh…a MySack for Girls Pink Golf Ball Sack. Bonus: it comes with two pink golf balls. I just. Uh. Yeah. If fake testes hanging from your pick-up truck‘s trailer hitch WASN’T enough for ya, well, here’s a similar deal for your golf bag. And it’s pink. Which makes it OK? Maybe? I don’t know. Also available in Male and Senior. Yes.

Stick Together Like Family on Christmas

I’m a practical guy when it comes to gifts. Functionality is my middle name. Well, not really, because it doesn’t start with J (unless the J in functionality is silent). But, there are times I want to put the FUN in functionality, in which case, there’s this Uncle Si Duck Dynasty Duct Tape. Really. This is a thing. Duck Dynasty duct tape, by Ducktape brand of course. As the description says:

Tears easily by hand without curling and conforms to uneven surfaces.

Conforming to uneven surfaces is a MUST when it comes to being around my family.

Grow Your Own Uncle Si This Christmas

Until cloning vats become less cost prohibitive, this Duck Dynasty Uncle Si Chia Pet is the nearest y’all will get to growing a member of your favorite TV family. I know I want this staring at me every morning while I eat my bowl of beer and Wheaties oatmeal. Now, if’n I could grow such a majestic beard for Christmas—green or otherwise. Green would be better, because I would probably get waited on quicker at restaurants, bars, or the Secretary of State (or DMV for you non-Michigoonies).

Today’s Amazon Deals and ThinkGeek Deals
Affiliate Plug: Top Holiday Deals on Amazon

Clattertron takes part in the Amazon Affiliate program to help pay the bills (privacy policy and disclaimer). But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Amazon Enigmas puts a humorous spotlight on some of the site’s more quirky items. Images lead to the item’s page on Amazon.