[dc]M[/dc]onday brought us St. Patrick’s Day, aka Rookie Day in most bars, pubs, and high school parking lots across the globe. I stuck to coffee and water myself,¹ but tagged along with Stephanie and her ‘Lansing Hooky’ crew for breakfast before heading to work.
With every St. Patrick’s Day, a familiar sight reared its ugly head. No, not my impatience with drunks in a crowded bar: green beer.
No. Image via Amazon.
I get the attraction to green beer, but I also don’t. As I said on the social medias:
Friends don't let friends drink light beer and green food coloring.
— Daniel J. Hogan (@danieljhogan) March 17, 2014
While at one of the downtown watering holes, we asked what the green beer was this year (it is usually an F-grade light beer) mixed with Batman-knows what kind of green food coloring. “Busch Light, I think,” said the bartender, but then she added, “Or maybe Natty Ice.”
Our group pretty much wretched in unison. Or at least they did in my head, which makes it real. There was a reason the green beer was only 50 cents. Yes. 50 CENTS. Only slightly more than a postage STAMP (and honestly, I would rather get a stamp, because I love mailing cryptic letters and off-model Mickey Mouse drawings).
The way I see it, if you are going to drink (RESPONSIBLY), drink the good stuff (RESPONSIBLY). Besides, green beer looks a little too much like Mr. Spock’s Vulcan blood, which is creepy. I mean, if you wanna LARP² as a Star Trek Vulcan vampire (vulpire?), then more power to ya.
Close enough. Image via ThinkGeek.
But, if you just wanna mess yourself up on the cheap, why not just hit yourself on the head with a hammer? No. Don’t do that–unless you live in Toontown. I wonder what St. Patrick’s Day would be like in Toontown? Probably almost on par with East Lansing. Maybe.
I hope those who partook in the green beer made sure to turn off their smartphones. As I’ve said before: smartphones, wi-fi, and drinking don’t mix.
–
¹ Sorry, I’m not taking a day off work to bar crawl about 20 feet from where I work. Not gonna happen. I’m 32, I can bar crawl on any given Saturday if I want–right after I yell at teenagers to get off my proverbial lawn.
² That’s Live Action Role Play for you Normals.
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