[dc]T[/dc]hanksgiving has a way of making one look around and, as the name suggests, give thanks. Although our annual family dinners would make one think the holiday is actually called Yellsgiving or Restrainingordergiving.
I’m thankful I’m not the turkey in this situation.
What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? A few things.
[] I’m thankful the government isn’t making us be micro-chipped like pets yet. Rags T. Cat got micro-chipped last week, and the last time I saw a needle that big, it was on top of a building.
Seriously, I think Queequeg‘s harpoon was smaller.
[] I’m thankful for the two people who maybe got the above Moby Dick joke.
[] I’m thankful I was able to work in the phrase ‘dick joke’ without actually making a dick joke.
[] I’m thankful for the readers thinking: “Um, actually, a Moby Dick joke is a dick joke.”
[] I’m thankful for the readers thinking: “Um, actually, a Moby Dick joke is a literary joke.”
[] I’m thankful for the other readers thinking: “Dude, making a joke about Queequeg’s harpoon is totally a dick joke.”
[] I’m thankful for Moby Dick, the novel.
[] Seriously you guys, read Moby Dick.
[] And read the full version, not the abridged. Moby Dick is a tough read at times, but it is well worth your time. You learn so much about cannibals and knots.
[] There are a few wacky chapters in Moby Dick, like the one where it suddenly becomes a play for some reason.
[] I’m thankful spiders have eight legs, because spiders with an odd number of legs would be TOO SCARY. Seven legs! Just think, or worse, THREE. I think I might be sick. Imagine a three-legged spider hobbling its way across your face in the middle of the night.
I need a new emoji for such a level of disgust and horror. Maybe a cat butt.
[] I’m very thankful for noise-canceling technology, specifically the kind my Bose Quiet Comfort headphones use.
My wife, however, is not thankful for such technology.
[] I don’t think my wife ever read Moby Dick. Maybe I’ll get her a copy for Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, really.
[] As I said in this week’s comic, I’m thankful I can hide what people share on Facebook. Selfies, baby photos, charity bragging, whining, Buzzfeed whatevers: all gone, drifting into the abyss like a deranged sea-captain strapped to a whale.
