Clattertron

[dc]L[/dc]ike a crash of rhinos, Thanksgiving can catch us off guard.Thanksgiving means time spent with family (and it also means I need to make sure all my flasks are in working order). Like any holiday, Thanksgiving is a pressure cooker for awkward situations and conversations.

“We’re trying a raw meal this year.” Image via The Commons on Flickr.

When it comes to any potential awkward family event, it helps to be on the look out for Warning Signs.

Signs You Might Have an Awkward Thanksgiving

• Grandpa mailed his teeth in ahead of time to ‘save his spot’ at the table.
• One of your sisters is a Whovian, the other is a Sherlockian, and your brother is a Bronie.
• Uncle Larry passes around a petition to seceded from the Union. Not the state though, just his Winnebago.
• Cousin Ginger hosts a Fifty Shades of Grey podcast.
• Cousin Kim is head of programming for The Learning Channel.
• Aunt Judy studies river insects and keeps talking about ‘anal claws.’
• Mom is reading The Art of War to prepare for Black Friday.
• Your brother decided to Skype in—from his bedroom in the basement.
• Uncle Lefty keeps asking where you keep the prescription drugs.
• There aren’t any liquor bottles, only liquor mason jars.
• Grandma was an extra in The Human Centipede.
• Uncle Ray wants to organize the food by phylum.
• Uncle Phil shows up in his Pale Man cosplay.
• The cat has been missing since Uncle Lester went to ‘find a snack’ a few hours ago.
• The average age of the ‘kids’ table’ is 42.3.
• The stuffing smells like sawdust.
• The Thanksgiving turkey came out of a can.
• The cranberry sauce glows in the dark.
• Dad decided to spend Thanksgiving with his secret family two towns over.
• There’s no Wi-Fi.

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