Where I write about my cat. Every five minutes.
[dc]I[/dc] love it when vague Facebook status updates cause unintended hilarity.
As the saying goes, “You can’t make that up.” Truer words have never been said, except for ‘You gotta know what a crumpet is, before you can play cricket.’ Some of the funniest stuff in the world happens by chance, which is why I always carry a notebook with me and have my lawyer on voice activated speed dial.
Unintended hilarity was in ready supply a couple of Saturdays ago, while Stephanie and I attended a Cinco de Mayo party. We had a misadventure on our way to the party. The host, Sam,¹ asked us to bring extra ice. We planned on walking to Sam’s apartment, and stopped at the local Quality Dairy on our way. I, of course, did not think about how much a 25-pound bag of ice would weigh when agreeing to schlep it for three blocks or so.
Twenty-five pounds. That’s how much a 25-pound bag of ice weighs. Who knew?
But, more hilarity awaited us at the party. About halfway into the tequila-soaked evening, one of the guests called for a toast. He toasted Sam, then all of us, and then his girlfriend—followed by a marriage proposal. It was cute and sweet. We cheered when she said yes, and cheered louder when the champagne flowed (which was why Sam needed the extra ice).
Minutes later, between sips of my champagne, I received a text message: “Did you just get engaged?” No, it wasn’t Mom, but a friend who was not at the party (Mom only texts me about getting engaged before 5PM on Saturdays). How did someone who wasn’t at the party know about the engagement? And why did she think it was I?
Facebook.²
I went to Facebook on my phone, and sure enough at the top of my News Feed was an update by Sam: “Of course someone would get engaged at my party.” He purposely did not say who, as not to spoil the fun for the couple.
But, then I read the comments. Folks started guessing the couple in question, and the bulk of the guesses pointed to Stephanie and I. Stephanie walked over to me, and we held up our phones, “Did you see this?” Stephanie received a text message from a different friend, and went to investigate Facebook as well.
Two words popped into my head: damage control. I commented and, of course, went for a joke, “Please. If it was me, I would have done it on Towel Day, if anything.”³
I realized later I should have picked a holiday in the past, not in the future (May 25th). Oh boy.
While sharing this story with Mom the next day, she once again asked, “Was Stephanie annoyed?”
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¹ Name changed.
² Play At Home Rules: Say it like how Pee-Wee says “Francis” at the police station in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.
³ We are both big fans of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Daniel J. Hogan wishes any of Facebook status updates caused any kind of hilarity. Follow him on Twitter, @danieljhogan.
